


I want you. Sober or not.

by pysykneagra



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Drunk Katsuki Yuuri, Drunk Sex, Drunk Victor Nikiforov, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hangover, Hotel Sex, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Memory Loss, POV First Person, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-10 21:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pysykneagra/pseuds/pysykneagra
Summary: Drunk Yuuri. Drunk Victor. The banchet night. Overflowing desire.Yuuri is an unreliable narrator. He fucks with both Victor and the storyline.The result it's a hot mess.What more do you need?





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags. They will be updated every chapter.

Prolouge

I tried to open my eyes, but the daylight was blinding me. The fog that usually enveloped my mind was starting to fade. My sight was finally starting to focus when it hit me. It was still kinda blurry but I could see the most beautiful pair of blue eyes staring back at me.

They were looking so familiar, but it was that tent of russian accent in his voice that woke me up sending shivers down my spine.

"Have you slept well, my Yuuri?"

He was smirking at me and I just stood there trying to calm down because...

THIS CAN'T BE REAL. Viktor Nikiforov was on top of me.

"V-Viktor"

The word barely managed to roll off my tounge. My throat was so dry. And every cell in my body was tense as the feeling of panic was spreading through my veins. 

Why was he here? Is this a dream? It can't be. How did this happen? Why is he smiling at me? What does he see in me?

"Yuuri. Talk to me love. How are you feeling?" 

I need to look like I am not having a crises right now. How do I do that?

But he just started to caress my cheek with his fingers. 

Just tell him everything is fine. 

Next he was softly touching my neck.

And how I crave this touch. 

Ah. I'm naked. Why am I naked? Am I suppose to talk now? I can't do this.

"I..uh..don't..just. Confused".

I said avoiding his eyes. And I know he knows that i don't know. Great. I can't even articulate a simple sentence. But he would know if I lie. Those perfectly sky colored eyes look so clearly right into my soul. Like..he wants to own my very being.

"Hmm. Memory trouble again?"

His finger circled around my nipple. My breath just stopped for a second. And so did my so called perfectly functional brain.

"Should I help you remember?" 

The tip of his nose was almost touching mine. My instinctual reaction was to get away. Trying to escape I bumped my head against the bedframe. Hard.

"Oh Yuuri. Stop trying to run away. You will end up hurting yourself. And me." 

He helped me lay down slightly lower and lightly masseged my scalp, but that didn't do much to relieve the pain.

My head was spinning. My whole brain hurt. And nothing made sense.

"I just don't understand what's happening."

I said it with an expression that probably appeared as helpless because Viktor laughed softly and moved his hand slowly towards the center of my torso.

"Your heart is mine. Just like how mine is beating for you. That is all you have to understand."


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all started you already know, but do you really know everything?

Alcohol.

That's one cure for anxiety. One I would rather not use though. But that night, I didn't exactly had a choice. 

All I wanted was too get rid of the pain in my chest and of the flow of neverending thoughts that were circling round and round in my brain. Like a never ending nightmare. Replaying the events back in my mind. Pain and angst and dread were followed by more pain and angst and dread. And the oxigen wasn't finding its way into my lungs.... 

And stop. 

The memories. Focus on the memories. There was this fog everywhere like I couldn't see around me clearly. But the crazy thing was that I was happy. And I wanted other people to enjoy the moment with me. 

Moving around felt great, my feet were feeling so light and I didn't even notice the sweat that was running down my neck and my spine. What I did felt was hot... so hot... That's why my clothes started to disapear. 

I remember falling into someone's arms and when I looked up I saw that familiar pair of bright blue eyes. They were so pretty and staring right at me. I always wanted them to look at me. 

Oh. I remember why. That's because they belonged to Viktor. And I always wanted Viktor. I have to tell Viktor. 

He put his hands on me and told me something I couldn't understand. 

But... I liked the pressure of his hands on me. And yea I, no we are dancing now.

Together. 

I think I had a smile on my face, like the corners of my lips were simply stuck that way. I liked that my hands were also touching Viktor. 

Ah I wanted more...more warmth yea. His skin under all this layers must be warmer right? Hmmm. Right.. 

I had my hand on his waist. So.. finding the edge of the shirt now slowly... slowly going up. That was sooo addictive. His skin was so soft under my fingertips and even hoter than I expected. 

I heared him gasping. It must be the temperature diffrence. I kept running my fingers around his lower back and when I looked up to his face... his expression.. I don't know what that means. Asking is easier, right? 

"Viktor?"

It came out as a whisper. 

"Aren't you hot?"

I think I heard another gasp? This time for real. And is that called a blush? When your chicks get coloured like that. But it looks so pretty on him. 

Oh... I think I said that out loud too. One of his hands moved away from my shoulder and while I was wondering if he wants to leave, his index finger lifted my chin up. 

Oh... And this is definetly my new favorite thing. His lips touching mine.

So smooth and now kinda wet moving faster than I could process and 

Fuck.. 

He just dragged his teeth down my lower lip and I felt it right down my..

Fuck. 

So many fantasies of mine started to flash one after another before my eyes. 

And this wasn't nearly enough. I needed to touch, no tell him. I have to establish what I want. That's the right way.

Communication is important. That's what Pichit told me over a thousand times. I could even hear his voice in my head saying it to me.

"Viktor"

My breath was cut too short to continue. Why was it so heavy? His lips found their way down to my neck now.

"I want to...want you..."

I tried to end the sentence, but I couldn't think.... It was like my braing was stuck loading no matter how many times I tried to restart it. I could feel him breathing on my neck and whispering in my ear. 

"How do you want me?" 

I could feel that he was smiling when he asked that. I wanted him to smile at me and touch me. Only me. I needed to feel every inch of his skin on mine. 

I have always dreamed of that. And now that I had a taste of it, I was uncapable of stopping to be phisically connected to him. 

"I've always wanted you.. on me.. in me.. all around me.. just don't stop touching me". 

He wasn't close to me anymore and our only point of contact was our hands, but he quickly interlocked our fingers.

While looking straight into my eyes he said:  
"I won't"

Only now I noticed the smirk on his face.

The silver hair covering half of his forehead was still looking stylish and fucking perfect despise the tiny drops of sweat I could feel on his...

Since when have I been touching his face? He turned his head slightly and traced his really soft lips on the inside of my wrist. 

"Yuuri" 

My eyes were bewitched by the curve of his lips. And I couldn't help but get lost in that perfect shade of blue like a calming ocean. 

"Just come with me"

I simply noded and let him drag me wherever he wanted to.

I walked in an empty bathroom and slowly closed the door behind me.

Before I could even move, Viktor turned around and placed his fingers under my chin gently lifting it up.

I felt that electric tingle just like when he did it before. Why was it so hot watching him starring down at me like this? In his other hand he was holding two pink squarish pills. 

"Ready for another one?"

He was smiling brightly at me, and my world was starting to become a little less hazy while I was slowly realizing...

I have seen them before. Light pink, but with a touch of glittering silver. Squarish just as the instagram logo engraved on them. 

I remembered... 

Chris. 

■■■ Earlier that night ■■■

I drank another flute of champagne in one shot. I had so many of them already. I was feeling the pleasant sensation of dizziness, although it wasn't enough.

The guit, the pain, the anxiety, the fear were all still there. I need to be higher than this if I wanted them gone for the night. I wanted them to be gone. GONE. And I definetly don't want to come back.

"I could help you with that, my friend".

"Huh?" 

I saw Chris standing in front of me. And did he? He just winked at me. Wait.

What? Did I just say all of that out loud?

I don't remember him coming out here in the first place. Omg. I just want to dissapear now. 

He thinks I'm a mess. He saw me failing. Everyone did. I can't even..

I winced when someone touched my back. And then I heared a giggle.

"I didn't meant to scare you, Yuuri"

Oh. Chris again. What was he..

"Here. I usually take them in halves." 

He slipped something tiny in my already clenched fist.

"Wait. What?" 

"Don't worry about it. Just promise me you'll dance with me later".

I starred down at the little pinkish pill in my hand. It was sparkling in the bright lights of the banquet. It wasn't much of a decision for me to make.

I'm already fucked up. Competition was over for me anyway. And it's not like I could feel any worse. So I just swallowed the whole thing with some more champagne.

■■■

"And that's why you should come to Yuutopia. It's better than any of the fancy treatments you're using and it's free of course. Everything is free for you, Viktor. And here comes the best part. When you bathe in a hot spring, your skin soaks in 100% natural minerals including calcium and sodium bicarbonate and as a consequence, your hydrostatic pressure rises. Now imagine how it would fell like after a long day at the rink to just soak in that hot water that should be called magical because trust me, Viktor. It's totally worth it."

"Hmm. I'm imagining it. The two of us, naked in these so called miraculous waters of yours. If just relaxing is magical than how would fucking in them be like?"

I softly chuckled. I was sitting down on the floor with my back against the wall on the hallway. I kinda felt like floating and I wasn't sure on which side of the hallway we were staying, but Viktor's fingers constantly moving in pattern on my thighs kept me aware of his presence. 

The desire was also increasing inside of me to the point I thought I will just jump Viktor right there and then. So I had no filter on what I was saying. My inner lust was just speaking for itself.

"I didn't experience that personaly, but I'm more than willing to do that with you. Just as much as everything else. I can't think of a kink I haven't fantasize about with you. Actually I can. There are some that are way too disgusting. But like I said, I would do anything for you. As for the sex in the hotsprings thing... I would definetly faint."

Viktor's hand stopped for a second and his eyebrows shot up in surprise as he said a really pitched up

"Whaat?"

"It's simple. The waters are already hot and I know you are way hotter than that. I've seen all of your photoshoots and bought all of the available posters I could find. And I plastered them all over my walls."

Viktor's facial expression was stuck in a state of shock. And damn, that's not an expression I saw often on him. But the rosy colour that appeared on his cheeks meant that he was thinking about that. And I was so thinking about that too. 

"I know exactly how hot you are just like I know your precise measurments better than I know mine. Of course that's also because mine tend to change oftenly. "

My words stopped before I could finish that sentence because Viktor was suddenly on top of me. His fingers threaded in my hair and he was kissing me so hard. 

"You're so hot I won't survive it "  
I tried to say, but I'm not sure how many of these words managed to roll of my tounge because Viktor was kinda monopolizing its movments for the moment.

I could feel his passion burning just like mine has for years. I have been kinda hard for a while, but now it was almost painful. I needed his touch, any kind of touch so bad it was driving me mad.

I stopped the kiss or at least I tried because the moment I pushed myself away, he pulled me back by my hair in the very next second and kept crushing my lips and bit them fiercely. It was such a turn on. Everything he did was.   
I had no idea where I was anymore, nor did I care. All I wanted was more. I was trying to figure out how to move my hand lower. And which direction down was. 

He suddenly pulled me up and whispered between our still hard but short kisses. I wasn't sure if I was still breathing.

"We..have to..my room..now".

"Now" 

I repeated after him having no idea what he was talking about. The room was spinning around with me or maybe Viktor was spinning me around. 

Who cares anyway? I would follow him blindly anywhere. 

End of the world? Sure. 

Straight to hell? Count me in. 

Maybe that's gonna be my downfall. But who the fuck cares anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is still reading yoi fanfiction? I sure am. I thought my obsession would fade after all this time but nah. It's like Yuuri's obsession for Victor.
> 
> If there are any grammar mistakes just tell me :)) I'm too lazy to check everything.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get hotter and hotter.

I slammed the door shut with my foot. Both of my hands were too busy touching Viktor's hair and any portion of his skin that was available. 

Probably at that moment one of us should've remembered to lock the door. But none of us did. 

I was shirtless before I knew it and already aching hard. Feeling his hands on my skin was incomparably better.

I pushed him into the matress. Oh my. I have been dreaming of pushing Viktor down ever since I was a teenager. Fucking him hard or riding him like crazy. Both choices were so damn tempting. With all the blood quickly rushing towards my dick, I could barely think of anything else other than  
̶O̶H̶ ̶G̶O̶D̶ ̶I̶ ̶C̶A̶N̶'̶T̶ ̶B̶E̶L̶I̶E̶V̶E̶ ̶T̶H̶I̶S̶ ̶I̶S̶ ̶A̶C̶T̶U̶A̶L̶L̶Y̶ ̶H̶A̶P̶P̶E̶N̶I̶N̶G̶ ̶A̶N̶D̶ ̶I̶ ̶W̶A̶N̶T̶ ̶H̶I̶M̶ ̶S̶O̶ ̶B̶A̶D̶ desire.

"Wanna top?"

He said slowly dragging me closer to him.

"Or I could slam my cock all the way inside your pretty ass"

Our abdomens were touching. And I could feel the hardness even through my... Wait. I was in my briefs. Now when did this

"Ah"

An unexpected gasp came out of my mouth when Viktor suddenly grabbed one of my asscheeks. I felt his short trimmed fingernails dragging on my skin.

"So which one is gonna be?" 

He asked while brushing his lips along my jaw. 

"Both of them would be my pleasure."

Breathing. Oxigen is needed for thinking. Ok. Did he? Did he just said we could do both? I got the hint of which one he would preffer. But I? I wanted it. Both ways. Desperatly. Getting the chance of my life to be in bed with him. I wanted everything. Every single thing he was willing to give to me. And I wanted it right now.

"Fuck me"

I said before I could think... and for real now... I could've thought of a better way to phrase that.

"Oh yes I will" he grinned.

Or not. Because omg. The way he said it. The lust dripping from his words made me ache even harder for him. His fingers were already making their way down, but I catched his wrist before he could. He looked at me confused.

"But then I wanna hear my name on your lips while you ride my cock."

His smile was even wider than before.

"God! That's perfect!"

He flipped me on my back. He was so entuziastic even though... well why would he be? Unless he...

"Yuuri I knew you would be perfect for me!" 

He kissed me on my neck several times before he pulled my lower lip with his teeth. Hard. He closed his fingers around my cock at the same time. The wave of extasy hit me so hard that wanted scream. Or maybe I was. Because I literally came just after a few minutes of touching. Oh and "perfect". He just called me perfect for him.

When my brain came back from the high, I saw a surprised Viktor on top of me. And in no way I surprised him the way I wanted to. 

The panic came fast. Embarassment. Omg. I have just.. Did I have just...? He's gonna think less of me now. What was I thinking getting this close to him? I'm in no way good enough to be in Viktor's bed.

"Sorry. I should..should just go"

I said trying to get up but his weight was keeping my tighs still and he was holding one of my hands agains the matress. I thought he was dissapointed, but he was... angry? Of course he would be. I just ruined everything.

"You are not going anywhere". 

His blue eyes looked ice cold, but it was like they were burning me with their stare. 

"You are mine tonight. And you are gonna keep coming for me. And coming. Coming so many time it won't be any left in you. Because you're gonna give it all to me." 

I could just look at him. Tears were forming in the corner of my eyes. He still wanted me.

"I don't..why..how.."

"You are not leaving me, Yuuri. I could tie you up, you know? Making you mine. You said you have been wanting me since you were a kid. Don't you want to be with me? Just you and me." 

He almost sounded desperate. Desperate too keep me. But that can't be it, right? I'm the one that's desperate. Being tied up and all his while he does what he wants? I won't even try to escape that. 

But I would also want him to be mine. To love me and keep loving me all the time. And now. Now he wants me. And.. He's just frustrated that I ruined the moment. Yea. I have to make it up. I have to make him see I'm not a waste of time. Even I can make him feel good. I can make him keep wanting me.

"Let me suck you off. I swear you'll like it and you. No I... I'm gonna make it up for what I did. Please. I want to do that for you. To make you want me. It's the least I can..."

"Yuuri..." 

His tone sounded almost relieved.

"I want you, too." 

His grip grew so softer and his words were sugar sweet.

"I would very much like your soft mouth. But, Yuuri. Could you... just... put your ass in my face when you that. I wanna feel it. All of it. All of you."

My heart was beating loud in my chest. Viktor would let me. Viktor wanted me. I won't make him regret that.

"Yes. I'm gonna make it so good for you. I promise."

I climbed on top of him and then turned around so that my ass was facing him and my eyes were set on the hardness between his legs. I barely took him in my hand when he cupped my ass with his hands and asked me:

"A little closer, pretty Yuuri."

His words alone could've got me so worked up. But I was already stroking him and I literally wasted no time to envelop my lips around his head and suck gently. He kissed my asscheeks with wet lips for like a hundred times before his tounge travelled all the way to my balls, avoiding my hole. 

I was slowly trying to swallow more of him while also moving my hand, but my syncronization was slightly off. Viktor was lightly holding my dick while his tumb put pressure on the top of my head in a deliciously pleasurable way.

When his tounge finally found its way to my hole, I tried my best not to let go of that perfect dick and moan till my throat would ache. Actually that was going to happen anyway. 

I had two thirds of him in my mouth and I was bobbing my head the best I could. I liked having my tounge rubbing around him. I just wanted to carve his size into my body. So I could remember it. Forever.

The knocking on the door scared me so badly that I would've jumped off him if it weren't for his hands holding me tightly.

More banging. And a guy yelling.

"Nikiforov! I know you're in there!"

And if my russian knowledge was accurate 

"Stop being disgusting, you perverted way too old jerk to be a fuckboy and come finish your goddamn buissness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all know who is yelling there :))


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Angst. Smut. I don't know what I'm writing anymore :))

I turned my head around to look at Viktor who just lay there frozen for a few seconds. I wanted to get off him and start dressing right away. Instead of that, he pulled me back into the bed. I landed on my back and he stood on a side facing me. 

"Please stay here, Yuuri."

The door was now being kicked judging by the sounds.

"But don't you have to... fix that?" 

I said glancing a look towards the door.

"Please ignore him."

"But..."

"I'm begging you."

Viktor dragged me closer, moving lower so that his head was on my chest and one arm around me holding me so tightly that it might bruise me. I moved him a little so I could wrap both my arms around his back.

"Is the door even locked?"

I liked being close to him but fear and panic were already starting to flow through my veins again.

"It doesn't matter anyway."

He answered with a voice that sounded strangely... sad.

More threats. More banging than the poor door was designed to take. And a much more variety of cursing than I thought possible.

Fortunately, it stopped at some point. And the door knob haven't been touch. It could've been 10 minutes or an hour. I was stroking his hair gently when Viktor finally started to talk.

"I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Not having a single second for myself. To actually be myself. I work so much that even in my dreams that's what I think about. But what I want to dream about are nights like this. Having a really pretty skater in my arms. Making love and being with someone that wants me in their lives. I don't care if it's temporary. I need a few moments in which I can feel desire and be desired. Having feelings makes my heart beat faster instead of just the emptiness from overexercising myself. All I want is to live and love. Not another medal or a world record. I can't do this anymore. It broke everything in me. More than just a few bones. Do you know how it is? The pain of falling on ice being the only thing you have felt for months?"

I was crying even though he wasn't. I would've never imagined this words coming from him. I always pictured him happy and proud of what he was doing. It was breaking my heart to know his was broken. He deserved anything. Anything he wanted. And I would give him that.

"I want you. I want you, Viktor. I want you. Want you. Want you. Want you. Want you. Want you. Always have. Always will. Want you. Want you. Want you." 

I kept repeating the words like a mantra by letting my own feelings come to the surface.

He lifted his head. Without saying another word, he started kissing me fiercly. Viktor communicated his feelings to me by each pressing of his lips. 

One of his hand pushed me closer from the back of my neck even though there was no space left between us. He bit my lower lip. Hard. And then again. And pulled my tounge till I got it in his mouth. He moaned dragging me even closer. I contured the side of his abs with one hand and then grabbed both of our dicks that were already touching.

After a few strokes, Viktor scratched my back so painfully that it would've draw out blood if his nails weren't trimmed. I hardly minded the pain because there was a greater thing I was aching for. I got on top of him while still kissing. He reached my ass before I could. And suddenly he pressed a finger into me. He managed to strech me even further than before, but I still detached my lips from his and said in a higher pitched voice:

"Please, Victor"

He reached to his nightstand and took out a bottle of lube. I immediately tensed up as I felt the coldness of the liquid. But other sensations got me overwhelmed so fast that I instantly forgot about it. In fact I forgot about everything else.

■■■

I was so high on those feelings, but I remember him saying:

"You're mine now." 

"Only yours." I murmured in my haze

I was laying there next to him, my whole body aching so nicely. My mind was so dizzy that I could fell the sleep pulling me slowly into unconciousness. But I refused to give in because the satisfaction that I was feeling now was the greatest I ever felt.

Standing on the podium with a cold medal around my neck couldn't even compare to this. This. I looked at Viktor with his body still sweaty and his now messy hair covering half of his face as he was laying on his left side. His platinum precious beauty was kinda tangled and rather sticky than the usual velvety texture. And I was so proud of myself for ravishing him like this.

Having a wet dream come to life (and make me cum like crazy). It was blissful. I never felt this good ever before. Am I repeating myself? I might. But so much extasy made my brain feel so clear and light afterwards. 

Oh my god! I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I had sex with Viktor Nikiforov. I wouldn't care if I went viral on every single social media platform. Hell no! I want every single living being to know that Viktor came screaming my name. My name. I would tattoo my name on him. I need to mark him in one way or another. To mark him as mine. To make him mine. 

I ran my fingers over his pale shoulders. I could put my lips on his soft skin and suck a mark right there. It would look so pretty. His heart was beating slowly, blood flowing through his veins under my fingertips. Oh! A collar would also look so damn hot on him. Just imagining tugging at it slowly. 

Fuck. I definetly have to stop thinking about this. Otherwise I'm gonna end up thrusting my dick into him till he wakes up moaning. So tempting. Looking hotter than I even imagined which seems so impossible because I was already picturing him as the hottest man alive.

Actually I even have a box full of magazines that affirm that loud and clear. What they don't know is... Bathroom. Great idea. Cold water. Trying to estinguish my lust for Viktor wasn't a a task I was capable of accomplishing even if my life depended on that. You could just name my sexual desire, Viktor Nikiforov because it didn't exist without him.

Seriously. I need it to get down. I mean why would I masturbate like a teenager when I can save my stamina for fucking Viktor some more in the morning. Tehnically it already is morning. Shut up brain. 

He's gonna want it too. If he wants me at least half as bad as I need him, he would chain me up to the bed and never let me leave.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangover hangover hangover

My everything hurt. I slowly opened my eyes thinking: How could I have fallen asleep with such a bright light right in my face? Then I realized. The tiles I was laying on were cold and my whole body was stiff. Trying to move was painful. I also had a bitter taste in my mouth. And no idea what I was doing here. 

I didn't even bother to move because it was painful. I didn't try to remember anything because then again, I subconciously knew there was something painful there. I felt the anxiety creeping from the corners of my mind. I should try a breathing exercise, but even breathing seemed to hard for me now. It was like I had a wall of glass in my mind that was keeping all the bad emotions and memories from me. 

But it was like I could see them from the otherside, how hard the fought to get through. The glass was cracking. I could even hear the sounds in my mind. So bright. So loud.

It was more like the sounds the dried leaves make when you step on them midautumn. A lovely poodle playing in the yard. Leaves flying or were they falling? The dog was rolling around. Turning into an even darker shade of brown because of all the mud that stuck into his fur. Barking. Loudly. But it didn't sound like he was having fun. No. It was like screaming. Someone was screaming.

"Yuuri!"

Brown. There were some brown eyes looking at me.Were they the same shade of brown as my poodle? My poodle. What was it his name again? I can't quite remember.

"Yuuri! Can you even hear me?"

Round face. Bangs. Such a loud noise. His voice was kinda pitched up. Pitched. Oh. That was it. I have been trying to find this word.

"Pichit."

"Finally. Thank goodness. What took you so long? Can't you see I'm panicking over here? And what would happen if both of us were to have a panick attack? Come on. At least lie in bed. I mean. Unless you feel like throwing up again. Which I really hope you don't. You know I can't handle seeing that without getting sick myself. And really this bathroom already is a mess. And I'm so not gonna clean it. Nah. Not happening on my day off. Yuuri. I'd rather not spend an entire afternoon in the bathroom. Pleease."

I let him drag me out of the bathroom and I ended up lying on a bed (my bed?) starring at the white ceiling. The pain was more bearable now that I was laying down. 

I got a bottle thrown in my chest and some painkillers and I drank half of the water without thinking. My mouth was so dry. And I wasn't listening to a word of Pichit's rant. My ears heard a constant and annoying sound like the one the kettle makes when it starts boiling. The volume went up and down, but it simply wouldn't stop. The only thing I was praying for right now was some sleep and quiet.

■■■

My eyelids were so heavy. 

My head was hurting so bad. 

It was like someting was constantly pressing on my skull forcefully. I wanted to move my hand but something was holding it tight above my head.

I was handcuffed to the bed.

That realization woke me up to consciousness like a cold shower.

Was I kidnapped? 

What was happening? 

My heart rate was accelarating. 

Wait.

I'm also naked??? 

I could feel my heartbeat increasing.

How do I get out of here? 

There s not enough light in this room. 

Glasses. I need glasses. I can't see.

My constant struggle pushed the blanket out of the bed. And then my trail of thoughts suddenly froze when I heard his voice chanting my name.

"Yuuri."

"Yuuri. I missed you".

The light being turned on blinded me for a few moments. Cold fingers wrapped around my back and soft silver hair touched my cheek. 

"Viktor"

My voice sounded rough and my throat was feeling sore. But I found so much relief in his touch. Like those long ice cold fingers were controlling my emotional state. This constant touch was the only cure for my anxiety. I needed it. Close to me. Always. 

One of my feet reached around his lower back when he tried to pull back. He lifted his head and gave me a quick peck on my lips with his now warmer lips.

"I really can't stand being apart from you for a second either." 

He whispered while is lips were only milimeters away from mine. I reached closer feeling the strain in my wrists. He allowed me touch his lips briefly before he pulled away.

He let his eyes wander all over my body while with his left hand he was caressing my outer thigh.

I was so naked and he was still wearing his blue coat. Strangely I wasn't feeling embaressed like I usually do.

The only emotion that was growing inside me was desire. I could still feel his shape inside me. And I wanted it again. And again. 

"You look so good like this."

He finally made eye contact with me. 

"All mine."

Those words went straight to my cock. I wanted to be his. I felt my arousal growing. 

My whole body was screaming it. I opened my lips trying to form words.

"I want you."

"Oh, I can see that, my Yuuri."

He barely touched my dick, teasing me.

"Viktor..."

"Won't you take something for me first?" 

■■■

I woke up all sweaty and gasping for air. It was dark around me and it took me a few minutes to realize that I'm safe in my room. My heartbeat slowly went back to normal.

I don't remember what I dreamed about, but it was something that scared me to death and at the same time I felt slightly aroused.

Then I remembered. Victor. I actually talked to him. And I got the feeling that we spent time togheter even though I don't quite remember what happened.

My phone was already charged because thankfully someone thought about doing that for me. The screen light up. It was 19:03. Did I slept like the whole afternoon? Oh god. I had so many missed calls and texts. I know I have to answer them. I don't want to answer them. I just want to hide under the blanket and avoid contact with the external world as much as possible.

Once the events of the last days started to flow back into my mind I couldn't do anything else than sob and silent scream into my pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thing are gonna get better. You can't get high without falling into hell later. Yuuri learns this the hard way, but hey at least his nightmares are sexy.


	6. Victor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically just Victor dreaming of fairytales while laying on a pink cloud surronded by unicorns and rainbows. 
> 
> Jk but I have to warn you that the amont of sugar in this chapter could be lethal.

Victor

Yes, I know that nobody expected me to act so emotional. But all my life I felt alone. Sure, I had people around who cared about me or at least did a half decent job at pretending they do. 

Makkachin was also there for me when I felt like I couldn't hold the pieces of my heart together at night. I wanted affection even though I had it. I wanted attention even though I obviously had that. But, not the way I wanted.

What I was lacking was that kind of teneager like romantic love. I never had that. Sex yea, it gave me a sense of temporary fullfilment... which wasn't even close to what I desired. 

I have been called selfish before. Many times. And narcissistic, fake, cold, dumb and the list could go on, but I was trying to state something here. Oh yea. Selfish. For me, it's all or nothing. So how could you expect my love to be any diffrent. I want my lover to be mine. And only mine. 

Of course I would also devote myself only to that one person. Forever. Because I could only gave my heart away once. After that, I won't have anything else to give. And maybe that's what pushed me to do this crazy thing.

The fear of failure, the constant obssesion to do everything perfect. That's what motivated me to keep winning all this time. And most of all, my desire to be appreciated for what I do, to be loved. You can see that no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough for me. 

I don't know which one of these things had been my downfall. Maybe all of them combined, maybe something else entirely. 

I remember the moment I started taking pills, even though they did more bad to me than good, but at least I always have been careful with them. All of the meaningless sex. Not only the act itself became pointless, my partners as well.

Except for this asian and really pretty boy, Yuuri. It's like he awaken something in me. I know it sounds sappy... but there's no better way to phrase it. Those chocolate eyes and dark hair look so stunning and they are perfectly complementary to my light colours. 

My eyes are often compared to the ice I spend so much time on. Therefore it will make so much sense for Yuuri to be my fire. It might sound too poetic for me, but this scenary I got in my head makes so much sense. 

All this time on ice had turned me into a frozen dancer like the ones you have inside old musical boxes. I only knew how to do my dance even though my heart and emotions were covered under many layers of ice. Worse than the streets of Sant Petersburg in winter. 

I tried everything, but I couldn't melt the ice as long as I was still in the freezer. So when Yurri appeared it was like a fire prince that brought the spring in my always icy kingdoom. My castel of ice no longer hold me prisoner. My feelings were finally free to blossom. If falling in love could be compared to a flower in bloom then I would have a full garden of them.

That's how I woke up that day. I was feeling all warm fuzzy and I just wanted to dance and triple axel in the sunlight that came into the room from behind the curtains. Oh how I loved brightness.

I would simply dress all of myself in gold so that I could become one with all the sparks of light and rainbows in the world. I just wanted to stop everyone on the street and talk with them about what a miracle being alive is. You can feel all of this neverending joy and happiness. I was literally glowing from the inside and I was sure that if I tried I could float a few meters above the floor and be the sun of my own world. 

Just as I landed a flip in the middle of my hotel room I realized that my queen size bed was empty. How could I forget that? Where was my fairytale prince I just woke up dreaming about? Did he leave during the night? Not that I minded chasing my own Cinderella. I had enough passion in my heart to search the whole asian continent for him. 

Nowhere I could find a fire that burns stronger into my core than the one in his eyes. I would recognize him anywhere. That pure passion. And ofcourse that kind of lust that would rival an incubus. Even if my prince turns out to be a demon I won't mind getting dragged into hell. If this is how hell feels like I would sign my soul to belong to him in this instant.

The ringing of my phone woke me up from my daydream. I answered with my most radiant "Hello" and what I got instead was the screaming of the devils reaching out to me via mobile:

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IS IT? I HOPE YOUR "FUN" WAS WORTH RUINING YOUR WHOLE SCHEDULE. BUT COULDN'T YOU AT LEST ANSWER YOU DAMN PHONE? I EVEN SEND YURI TO BANG AT YOUR DOOR 5 FUCKING TIMES. THAT WAS LIKE HALF OF THE MORNING VITYA! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU COME TO PRACTICE? ASK THE HOTEL FOR A SPARE KEY TO YOUR ROOM?"

"Oh I just slept so I'm..."

"CUT YOUR BULLSHIT ALREADY. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. EVEN YURI HAS A PRETTY DAMN GOOD IDEA. DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME AND MOVE YOUR ASS HERE AND NOW. OR DID YOU ALSO FORGET THAT YOU HAVE TO SKATE AGAIN TONIGHT? I SWEAR TO GOD VITYA THAT THOSE GOLD MEDALS ARE WASTED ON YOU. HOW DO YOU KEEP WINNING EVEN THOUGH YOU IGNORE ALL OF YOUR RESPONSANILITIES AND MY ADVICE IS NOT JUST BEYOND ME IS EVEN BEYOND GOD'S UNDERSTANDING."

I put the phone near the sink as I was making my hair look like sparkling silver silk. Yakov was still screaming at the other end of the line, but the only thing I got is that I actually had work to do today. No worries. The work was as good as done. The more important task was to make myself look as gorgeous as I truely am for when I will see my Yuuri. Just thinking of him makes my temperature rise with a few degrees. I just can't wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a little more fast paced... but I didn't take into account that Victor in love demands so much space for his girly fantasies. And that he won't get down from his cloud no matter how loudly the whole russian team yells at him.


	7. Chapter 6

"Hey Yuuri"

I was still hiding under my blanket when Phichit opened the door.

"Yuuri"

My voice was probably too fucked up right now to answer him. I mean yea I know Phichit have seen me at my absolute worse... which was actually close to how I was now. 

"Come on Yuuri. I know you're not still asleep. Because you slept the whole day. And not even you can sleep that much at once."

What I'm trying to say is that I know that I can trust him and that he will support me unconditionaly... but I would still hide myself under any rock available like a dumb ostrich hoping that he won't find me.

"I can leave you if you want. But you know what I have and you don't? Videos of Viktor skating today. And I even have photos. Exclusive ones!!"

I took a peak over my blanket. Phichit smiled softly at me and then shouted so loud that there's no doubt that the entire floor heard him.

"HE CHANGED HIS SONG AND HIS COREGRAPHY LAST MINUTE!"

My jaw dropped so hard that I could only mumble a shocked: 

"He did ... whaaat?"

"The entire media is talking about it, Yuuri. Even if the skating was just for presentation this change sent everyone's nerves on fire. Victor was originally supposed to skate on a very melancholic song that had undertones in which he expressed his lonliness and longing for a drop of happiness in his always repetitive -like it was stuck in a snow globe- kind of existence. That's how he described it. But then boom. He declared afterwards that he was simply not in the mood to skate depressive stuff anymore. He said he was so happy and that there was no way he was going down from that state. The screams of his couch were even recorded on official footage and that's way too hilarious. But Yuuuuri. This is the absolute best part. Do you know what song he skated on? It's called happy. You know it."

And then he started singing it and probably imitating Viktor while he danced and jumped around in our room.

"It might seem crazy what I'm 'bout to say  
Sunshine she's here, you can take a break  
I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space  
With the air, like I don't care baby by the way  
Because I'm HAPPY"

In my head I was trying to imagine Viktor dancing on this and I couldn't so I just ended up laughing as Phichit kept singing at the top of his lungs:

"Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof  
Because I'm happy  
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth  
Because I'm happy  
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you."

My bestfriend was so extra that he had to do the full dance and end it with a pose. But he said he was just copying Victor so maybe he's actually the real extra one. What am I even saying? Everybody knows that already.

When I saw the real footage he just copied I felt like I was having a heart attack and a brain malfunction at the same time. I didn't breath and my heart and my brain stopped working. Because I have never EVER seen Victor so happy in my entire life. Sure he was smiling in interviews and always appeared as cheerful, but here... Here he was absolutely ecstatic.

And this Victor was by far the most handsome one I have seen in my life. I don't care how the comparative works in english anymire. I just know he was the most gorgeous human being alive. He was sparkling out there. How I regret now that I wasn't there to see it with my own eyes. 

It's an image that should be immortalized in hundreds and hundreds of paintings and pictures. The title that all newspapers shall bear is that the 8th wonder of the world has been discovered. That expression. That emotion. Its simply a phenomenon way to sensational to be described in words. 

I just knew that I wanted that aura of happiness to never leave his smile. It should be protected as a national treasure. And I'm not even overeacting here. It's simply a fact that if I were to see an angel it wouldn't be so blinding as Victor is.

"Yuuri. Hey Yuuri."

I blinked a few times as if that would make me hear Phichit better.

"You looked like you were lost in space daydreaming about Victor. I mean not that you don't do this fairly often. It's already part of your usual behavouir. I'm used to it. It's just that we also have buissnes to attend. I wanted to break the news for you. But that's not all. The biggest anouncement haven't been made yet. Do you still have the strenght left in your heart to hear that? Are you ready? Oh maybe I should capture this. Definetly. This is going to be priceless. Straight into the top of my collection. But wait a little more. Should I do a count down? That's way more dramatic, right? Just please don't faint, ok?

5.........

"Phichit I don't think I can take this..."

3............

"Phichit!"

2............

"Phichit!!!"

1...........

"You are going on a date with Victor!! Congrats!!!!"

"I'm...with...what?"

Yuri.exe stopped working.  
Try restarting the program.

■■■

"And that's how I talked with Criss and we set it up. Now everyone can have a happy ending."

I tried focusing on my breathing. Or on my attempt to inhale oxigen and the inevitable failure that made my chest hurt. I haven't heard a single word of Phichit's rant after he said ....what you heard him saying... i don't know how to handle this. I just wanna quit. This amount of pressure and high level of emotion weren't meant to be handled by an avreage human.

"Come on. Let's get ready" 

Phichit was smiling and dancing around the room. For him this meant that he made my life long dream came true. 

"You mean now?"

"Of course it's tonight. That's what I just said."

"And you're coming with us?"

"Both me and Chris. But we will let you and Victir have a little private time ofcourse."

"Chris?"

"He seems to geniunly like you Yuuri. And he's also rooting for you and Victor. So what are we waiting for?"

"So where are we going exactly?"

"You didn't hear a word of what I said earlier? Not that I mind saying it a thousand times. This is the greatest unexpected event ever. I have to snapchat all of it."

"Phichit, please don't!"

"Oh Phichit yes! I would start right now, but we really have to hurry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to Phichit to save the day!  
> At first I thought this would turn somehow darker, but I guess my heart can't take writting too much angst :))


End file.
